disease

Struggling for Hope

Nikon D300, ISO 500, 85mm, f/5.6, 1/25 sec

Nikon D300, ISO 500, 85mm, f/5.6, 1/25 sec

Broken and torn, shattered
shards of dreams and promises litter the floor
inflicting new pain as we step through the memories
progress, hindered by repetition of the unknown and the unwanted.

Agony, punctuated by tears
what happened? why this? why him? please wake up!
this isn’t where we’re supposed to be
remorse for what has been lost, fear of what is to come.

The loved and the loving
stand helpless and unappeased
watching lives dissolving in torrents of wet grief
mouths incapable of finding words to match the depth of the heart.

Trust, believe and fight, fight, fight
there is a plan, a purpose not yet revealed
counsels echo through the hours in the struggle for hope
and he reaches out to touch the hem of a beautiful cherished robe.

– December 10, 2012

AN EXPLANATION

Last August, on the eve of my birthday, we learned that my partner of 20 years had a new battle with cancer to fight. Having already been through 5 surgeries over the course of 4 years, we thought we had passed through this valley once and for all when he was pronounced cancer-free following radiation treatments ending in October, 2011. A PET scan reiterated this finding in February, 2012.With the August pronouncement of a new tumor in a new location, we packed our house and moved across the country to be closer to family. Perhaps you have noticed that this had a significant impact on my ability to post on my blog until now. With computer and camera gear now accessible at last, I shall strive to update it more regularly, occasionally sharing moments of this journey into hell and perhaps finding a bit of catharsis in the process.